“How was your Mother’s Day?” she asked, at kindergarten drop off.
“I…uh…hmm…” I stammered in response.
Christ. So Sunday morning we had to get back to Toronto from Ottawa and quickly as Mark had to get to work, and we had to get the dog from the kennel. He took the boys for a swim while I packed everything up and quickly fed the baby. Then boys thrust some Hallmark greeting cards into my hand and Mother’s Day was never mentioned again. We checked out of the hotel, we grabbed some breakfast, and then the road trip home started. Once we made it home – thankfully the baby cooperated both to and from Ottawa so they were relatively smooth journeys – Mark decided to go to work first and pick the dog up later in the evening, after he brought home some Mother’s Day roast chicken dinner special from Sobey’s. But he never did bring home dinner. I had 3 kids and no car and no groceries and no money – so the boys had old strawberries and crackers for dinner and I had some candy I found in my bag.
I didn’t get a single craft or picture or anything handmade by the kids. Nobody made me anything. I made the mistake of going on Facebook and Twitter and hearing of breakfasts in bed and children clutching flowers and all kinds of spoilings, big and small, to show these other mothers that they are appreciated. I mean, I know I deserve this. I’ve been completely crap at this lately. I must have been. I keep hearing how everything is wrong, no matter how special I try to make things. “Mummy, why did I have to miss afternoon recess last week?” “Um, Oliver, because we took you to Florida? Surely that’s worth missing recess for?” *still whining* “But I missed what my friends were doing…”
Practically everything is a disaster to them – we leave the playground too soon, the pasta isn’t plain enough (oh Callum), I didn’t let them go swimming five times in a day at the hotel, I make them get dressed before school, etc. There’s usually someone crying or someone mad or two boys fighting. It’s so rare that this isn’t happening that I always notice it and praise them. That praise thing totally does not work as an approach, by the way. Five minutes later and the world has ended again. I’m losing my patience. It’s probably long lost, actually. And the poor baby is generally neglected as he’s a third. Despite this he at least smiles when he sees me. Unlike the rest of them.
And hell, did I make a fuss of my own mother? No, I did not. But at least I have plans to compensate for that. It didn’t seem like a good time to present her with a gift, while we were in Ottawa mourning my uncle (her brother). We’ll get together again soon and I will give her something – and she at least knows I put some thought into the card I got her (because it was funny, on purpose, because last week needed some funny).
It kind of seems like I spend a lot of time trying to make things special for the people in my family, and they could care less. And I would be the one to appreciate things being made special for me but it doesn’t happen. Topsy turvy. I really need to curb my thoughtfulness. It’s exhausting and apparently unimportant.
But whatever. End the pity party. I’ve got a million things to do and no time management skills while taking care of the baby. I’ve got to unpack our bags and do our laundry and run the dishwasher and solo parent for the next couple of days. I can’t stop and mope about how under-appreciated I am. I’m fine. I totally did not cry about this. I might be lying. I’m spending most of my time thinking about how my aunt is not fine, of course she isn’t, and that’s where we need to focus our attention. Maybe one day I’ll be better at this mothering thing and they’ll think of me on Mother’s Day and someone will scrawl me a picture of something or pick some flowers from the garden illegally and I’ll put them in a cup and say thank you. Maybe.
“It was just a day, huh?” she interjects, while I still scramble to find the words.
“Yep, just another day.”
§
(PS: comments off because I’m not fishing for ‘oh but you are a good mum!’ responses. Because (a) you have no idea and (b) writing is therapeutic and that’s what I’m here for.)
It may seem odd to be shocked by the death of someone who had cancer for more than 20 years. Who battled and waged war against that cancer for most of my life. I assure you, however, that a phone call from my parents last week to relay the news was a huge jolt.
Fitton, Nicholas James – Suddenly on Friday, May 4th, 2012 in hospital after a long battle with cancer…(full obit).
He was supposed to be invincible, after all. I won’t even believe this has happened until I see my family tomorrow and he’s not there, with no giant hug for me.
A life has so, so, so many stories, and Uncle Nick’s are not really mine to tell. I told him he should start a blog. I wish he had listened to me. He could have told you about working at the paper mills with the chemicals that caused his leukemia, a kind of cancer that only seniors are supposed to get. Or enduring years of treatment after treatment after treatment including transplants. And what it’s like spending your entire marriage knowing you’re likely to leave your partner bereft. Too soon. Also, there were travel adventures and hare-brained schemes and all kinds of funny stories, because despite all of this, he was an extremely positive, optimistic and hilarious guy.
My brother and I called him Uncle Buck when we were little – probably because he was built a bit like John Candy back then, but mostly because he was a bit of a ‘bad guy’ with a heart of gold. (Like John Candy, he is gone too soon.) My Aunt and Uncle made a conscious decision not to have children (that bloody cancer), and so we (the nephews and nieces) got to benefit from any hijinks he felt he needed to get up to. They were generous and spoiled us, but he also teased us mercilessly. My brother is now threatening to stick my children’s heads in the toilet just as Uncle Nick did to him. May the legacy ever continue.
He sent me email forwards all the time – even just a few days before it happened. You know, those annoying emails containing the latest meme or funny photos or highly distasteful jokes. I always deleted them. Mostly without opening them. I could have asked him to stop sending them, but it felt like it was his way of saying he was thinking about me – like he thought I’d think it was funny. It was a small group of us on his forward list. I was glad to be there.
He called me Em, like he called my mother Mar. He was always interested what was going on with us, always supportive. He was here at the house in November, approving of our move, and he got to meet Charlie. He looked so well then.
I can’t get to Ottawa until tomorrow. I should be there tonight at a visitation, but we couldn’t make the arrangements work – this is the first time that going down to one car has been both a logistical and financial problem. My entire, entire family will be there – and people I haven’t seen in forever. As I am kind of stuck here, I’m going to honour another invitation that I received and see some friends tonight. Nick would definitely approve of a good time. Even if I will be a little heart-sick not to be with my family.
It’s going to be a really tough weekend. I’m so sad for my Aunt, though she was probably the most prepared of any of us. And I’m desperately sad for my grandparents. It’s not right to have to say goodbye to your son when you are in your nineties. As a friend said, the universe seems out of balance.
Last week, we took a quick trip to Orlando, Florida. Mark had a conference to attend, so we added a couple of extra days and packed up most of our earthly belongings (or so it seemed) and treated the kids to a bit of an adventure. One of the handiest things we brought? Our new Blackberry Playbook.
I loaded a bunch of kid-friendly apps on the device before we left. The older kids were complete angels on both flights as it was a special surprise treat to use Mummy’s tablet – only in exceptional circumstances do I let them touch such things! They mastered educational games from TVO, and much-less-educational shoot ‘em up thrillers.
I used the camera to take photos that I could immediately put on Facebook using the hotel room’s wifi. It was great to be able to instantly update family and friends.
We spent one day at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and Oliver and Callum participated in the infamous Jedi Training Academy stage show. Thanks to the Playbook, I have 17 minutes of crystal clear video of this event. The kids keep asking to watch it again. And again. A cable that connects to our television means we can even share it on a big, big screen. Don’t worry, I’m not actually going to make you watch it.
I tried to use my phone while we were away to stay in touch with friends, but it really did not like the hotel wifi. I kept losing my connection and BBM was difficult to use. The Playbook maintained a stellar connection. I was so thankful to have brought it.
The Playbook is still new, and I feel like we’re still exploring its potential. Other cool uses so far? A really clear video call with my parents (my dad bought a Playbook not long ago). It has really handy brightly lit screen, perfect for reading recipes in my kitchen or books in the dark on the Kobo app. Oh, and I just wrote this entire blog post on the WordPress app. So far, no app crashes at all, either.
There are a couple of things I don’t like. There’s no dedicated Twitter app, which makes me really sad. The seemingly limited app selection is my biggest issue overall. I used free Disney and Legoland apps to help plan our trip – that were available only on my iPod touch. The Playbook touch screen usually reacts like it’s supposed to, but if you are used to other devices, it can be confusing to get your head around how to slide your fingers to control it. I have to say that the kids picked it up pretty quickly, though (so maybe it’s just me).
Disclosure: RIM provided our family with a Blackberry Playbook and support on learning how to use it. I was not compensated for this review. My views are my own.
It’s just over a week until Mother’s Day. Do you know what you’re getting that special person in your life? (I don’t. I better think about it.)
This giveaway might help you out with some ideas. Follow the instructions below and you can win a $50 credit towards Blurb books. You can either use it for Mother’s Day and give your mom an IOU note before it arrives, or use the credit towards another occasion.
You might remember I published a Blurb book for my grandmother’s 90th birthday – it was a real hit with her and the rest of my family. The quality was great and it was easy to put together. What about publishing a book for your mother? Blurb has some ideas for you:
Notebook – With beautifully printed pictures of their loved ones at every turn, this sentimental notebook will make date-keeping and list-making a joy.
Photo book – Gather all your favorite family photos and create a chronological compilation of your dearest memories together. This book is sure to be thumbed through and passed around the family for ages.
Cookbook – Compile Mom’s best and favorite recipes into a professional-quality cookbook. Chock full of her tastiest classics, surprise even further with a dish prepared for a queen – Mom!
Coffee table book – Visitors can peruse this gorgeous memoir of your family’s life when they come by. Without question, Mom will be only too happy to tell the stories of how each photo came to be.
Travel book – Immortalize a particularly beloved vacation taken together by creating a book filled with nostalgic photos and anecdotes of ‘the best trip ever’!
I like the idea of a gift that can be kept forever or passed on – rather than a box of chocolates or some flowers. Or perhaps on top of those things (hint, hint, children).
Here’s how to enter to win a $50 credit:
Leave a comment on this post: what kind of book would you like to make? (again, I realize if you want to make a book for Mother’s Day, it’s going to be late arriving – perhaps that’s OK with your mom, or you can think about another person or gift you’d like to use the credit for)
Leave your comment before 10pm EST on Thursday May 10 2012.
Please be Canadian, and please make sure the comment contains a way to contact you if you win.
One entry per person.
Winner will be selected by random.org and notified soon after closing date.
Good luck!
Disclosure: I am being compensated a $50 Blurb store credit for this post. All views are my own.
Want to be the talk of the town? Need to make new friends? Here’s your solution: Just follow these easy steps…
Go into No Frills to pick up some groceries just before Christmas. Spot a pile of winter hats with different characters on them. Decide, despite the fact you already bought the kid a Scooby-Doo hat from Old Navy just the week before, that he absolutely must have the Yoda hat.
All winter, receive questions from fellow parents: where DID you get that hat? With them fully expecting it to be some specialty store where it cost about $40. It was $10. From the ultra cheap grocery store.
Walk by young hipsters on main street. Overhear with regularity: “did you see that kid in the Yoda hat?!”.
Not that Oliver needed any help making friends in our new neighbourhood (he’s a social butterfly). But, Yoda, you gave him the force. Thanks.
Environmental protection is a constant topic of conversation in our house. Usually consisting of “don’t step on the butterfly”, “please don’t drop that Popsicle wrapper in the garden” and “bloody hell, the baby just had another blow out and he’s wearing a cloth diaper!”. But seriously, on a daily basis, I’m trying to impart that we have a shared responsibility to be good caretakers — as good as we can try to be while maintaining some of the comforts that we enjoy.
Earth Day, on Sunday April 22nd, brings this conversation to the forefront. I’m not exactly sure what we’re going to spend the day doing, other than taking Oliver to a good friend’s birthday party. But I know that we’ll walk there, and we’ll probably have a conversation about why we’re walking and not driving (because we can – it’s only about 10 minutes away). And we’ll talk about all the new flowers that have popped up that day (the tulips and daffodils are just gorgeous right now) and which trees and bushes are blooming. And I’ll probably have to tell someone not to step on a butterfly since we’ve been invaded by them this week. And maybe after we’ll all walk to the park and talk even more about the birds and the squirrels and the litter (alas) and the water.
There are lots of ways that we try to live ‘green’. The Fisher-Price website has even more ideas you can share with your kids, ensuring their generation has a deep understanding of our responsibilities to the planet.
Additional news from Fisher-Price:
A Little People cartoon series is airing now on Treehouse TV at 9am ET on weekend mornings. We have a lot of Little People sets that the older kids are saving for their baby brother – we’ll have to check out the cartoon.
Fisher-Price will be attending the Babytime show from April 27-29 at the International Centre in Toronto, giving out catalogues with the high-value coupons enclosed, and their booth/display will feature their infamous adult size baby bouncer.
Disclosure: I am a Fisher-Price Mom and I receive special perks as part of my affiliation with this group. The opinions on this blog are my own.
“I’m surprised you asked me first. I expected you to just do it.”
“Yes, but when I’m about to write about your testicles, I’m pretty sure it’s polite to ask first.”
§
This time, I’m donating the baby clothes as soon as he grows out of them. This time, I’m calculating when I can free up storage space once all the gear is no longer needed (eventually no high chair, multiple car seats, travel cot? JOY). This time, I’m even mostly enjoying his dependence on me. For he is the last.
And when I heard that Tori Spelling was pregnant with baby four, when we had been pregnant with our thirds at the exact same time, I felt abject horror. I kind of couldn’t breathe. I wanted to fall over on her behalf. And I knew we had made the right decision. (Um, good luck to you, Tori and Dean? Sorry?!)
§
Perhaps entirely inappropriately, Mark had a vasectomy on the long Family Day weekend in February. Here, spend some time with your family! Nope, instead, I’m going to impede my ability to have one! Or a bigger family, in this case.
He’d been absolutely dreading it. He’s kind of a wimp when it comes to medical procedures so I was a little worried on his behalf. An experienced friend from work was coaching him through the stress (oh, I just remembered I seriously need to buy that guy a drink next time I see him). Turns out, it really was no big deal. A brief procedure at his doctor’s office. A few mild painkillers, a bag of peas, a few beers on the couch, and he was good as new. We mostly managed to keep the kids from jumping in his lap. Image: warmer / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
If you’ve decided that vasectomy is the right birth control choice for your family planning like we did, don’t be scared. There are much worse things. Like being pregnant with a fourth baby when your third is 5 months old (OMGWTFBBQ *screams* *dies*).
I recently got my hair cut for the first time in months. Okay, more like a year. Ridiculous, right? (Blame the baby. And life in general.) A wash, a cut, a style, done in just a bit of time at a salon, can be such a confidence booster. I escaped from the family for almost an hour, I got a hot cup of coffee and a scalp massage, and then I emerged looking way better than when I went in! I so appreciate hairdressers and estheticians. And as a bonus? I got sent home with some lovely smelling AVEDA products.
Turns out AVEDA wants to help aspiring hairdressers and is running a contest to provide five full scholarships to their hair schools in five different cities across Canada. Watch the video for some information about the contest:
Contestants have already submitted their videos explaining in a convincing manner why they were “Born to Style”. You can go to their site and rate the videos. I’ve checked out the Ontario submissions and some of them are really professional. I think Meladee from Mississauga has a very good chance. And Jessie from Chatham is so young but has already had so much experience styling!
The videos are being judged by the following criteria:
Boldness and clarity of artistic vision
Originality and creativity
Demonstrates candidate is fashion forward and understands the AVEDA mission
Overall impression
A panel of hair and beauty professionals along with faculty will hand pick five aspiring hairstylists in each city to advance to the final round. These future hairdressers will participate in a live head-to-head competition and runway show putting together a complete look in front of a panel of style experts. The winner in each city will be awarded a full scholarship to the AVEDA Institute hair school, worth up to $12,500!
The AVEDA Institute trains some of the best hairdressers in the country – more like rock star stylists, I’m told – whose work graces the covers and editorial pages of the world’s biggest and best fashion magazines.
I wish all the entrants the best of luck. And I’m so glad that AVEDA keeps training people who will give me a little relief and a boost in confidence when I manage to arrange my life again and schedule in another hair appointment! I swear it won’t be quite so long next time.
Disclosure: this post is sponsored. However, my views are my own.
It was a great idea to have three kids. Three is the new two! This was totally what we wanted. Heck, I used to want four kids and a white picket fence. You know, before I became a parent and house-owner and realized how completely ridiculous those two things are (no disrespect to parents of 4 or white picket fence owners, yo).
It was the worst idea to have three kids. What were we thinking? We can’t handle this. We are outnumbered! There can be three children crying at the same time at any given moment! There can be three or MORE requests that need to be meet immediately (e.g. watch the baby in the bath/help the middle wipe his butt/help the oldest take his fork out of the toaster) ALL AT ONCE and no room for my own needs or someone to delegate to for much of the day.
We’re 5 months in to this crazy ride and it’s been a lot easier than it could have been, up to this point. There was no colic. There was an easy, sleepy baby. SO LUCKY. That baby is starting to get mobile and more complex, however. That baby has opinions and probably needs a better routine.
The school day routine is incredibly helpful in managing my time. It gives me deadlines to work towards and chunks of time to measure the day out in. Also, by 1pm I’m down to one kid and that’s about the best thing ever. Too bad my favourite time of day ends at 3. Oh the weekends. The weekends are so long. Best to get out of the house as much as possible, really. After spending the morning lazing about.
How else have we been coping?
We’ve attempted to give the older kids more responsibility for things like packing lunches and snacks, getting dressed and tidying up (ha ha ha ha). But there’s a fine line between promoting independence and child cruelty, and I fear we’ve crossed it a couple of times. The bar has really been raised for the 4-year-old. He thinks we should treat him exactly the same as his older brother, and so we lump them together and expect all the same things from them. This might explain why we all get frustrated sometimes and why I threw a pair of his jeans across the room this morning! Oh I should not admit to these things.
We divide and conquer. Mark will take one or two kids to run errands or walk the dog. Personally, I use a Friday night grocery run at No Frills as my escape happy time, but he doesn’t mind shopping with them. Usually.
The two older kids love a good project. Give them the task of helping daddy build a cabinet or give the car a wash and they’re in heaven. Perhaps next they can build me a shed at the bottom of the garden to go and hide in. I kid.
Playdates. Both here and not here. I love playdates. Go play, children. Stop talking to me. (I love them, really. Mostly.) (I wouldn’t be able to write this post right now if it wasn’t for a well-timed playdate.)
Getting the older kids to look after the baby is always a winner. I don’t mean that they are watching him while I go out for dinner. Though that sounds perfect. What I mean is getting Callum to fetch him some clean clothes or lay down on the floor with him while I put lunch on. Or getting Oliver to make funny faces at him so I can send a tweet. Priorities, people.
We regularly ignore one or all of them. Just temporarily. That’s normal, right? We’re building character. Or something.
Joking aside, a lot of the time I feel frustrated and stressed and like I have no time to do anything when really I should have more time (note to self: get off internet, go do laundry). A lot of the time we’re all pretty grumpy. The kids seem to have lost the ability to listen to us since March Break in particular. It’s funny, I don’t remember being allowed to say ‘NO!’ to my parents or completely ignore their requests. I’m just ever so slightly losing my mind. No one except the baby is getting a decent amount of individual attention. And you don’t really need to hear how messy the house is.
Moms and dads of 1, 2, 3 or (gasp) more, what tricks are up your sleeves? How do you keep the peace at home? What works for you when you need to stop the chaos and bring back some order, particularly to morning and bedtime routines? Do you have any good resources to suggest for me?
We selected our still-new-to-us neighbourhood partially because of the many amenities the area features. One of the best things of all is that within a few minutes of our house is a 400 acre wonderland of greenery and recreational activities. They call Hyde Park the lungs of London, UK – I think of High Park as the lungs of Toronto.
In recent weeks, ‘our’ park (because now it seems a little bit like the place belongs to us, quite selfishly) has come under attack from two very different villains.
The first was a kid who, as I explained to Oliver and Callum in more polite terms than I really wanted to ($&*#!), made some bad decisions last weekend and set the wooden Jamie Bell Adventure Playground ablaze. If you have not been to the castle in High Park, it is a bit Hogwarts-esque. Just the day before the fire, we were there with ice cream cones bought with Mark’s spare change (as punishment for him being on a biz trip, ha ha), and Callum had been in the tower that later burned, calling to me from one of the windows as I sat below with the baby. Thankfully, corporate donors and community spirit will rebuild it very soon. And the rest of it that remained undamaged is actually still open for all of us to enjoy.
The second villain is a bit trickier, and the small High Park Zoo is the target. The zoo’s operating funding was one of many things cut in the Toronto 2012 municipal budget, viewed as ‘gravy’ by our lovely mayor Rob Ford. It may not be an essential service, and it may not seem like that big a deal – but we’d like to keep it around. It also doesn’t seem to attracting the high-profile corporate help the playground has.
Zoos can be controversial. Why keep animals locked up for public enjoyment? Do we need a small zoo in the west end of Toronto when we have a huge one in the east end? If you don’t a have a car, I can’t even imagine trying to get public transit out to the Metro Toronto Zoo. If you want west end kids to have a hands-on education about animals, there’s a great argument for keeping it. It’s free, too. Accessible to anyone and a short walk from the streetcar or subway.
It’s a simple zoo, with large open pens for the animals, and a wide road/path down the middle easily navigated by pretty much anyone. My kids can tell you about capybaras. Sure, they could have watched a show about them on TV. But instead they get to see them and we have conversations about why they’re important in the ecosystem and what we need to do to help keep them around. Same with the emu. And the peacocks. And the lovely llamas. The wallabies! I adore them!
We spent some time at the zoo over March Break. The first time was with Rebecca and her kids, who has also written her own rallying cry to save this resource. The Keenan family has a long history of appreciating the zoo and Ed has also written about what it means to them.
The second time we went, we bought animal feed and gave a pile of Grandma’s change as a donation. You too can donate here. Or, even better, visit the zoo sometime soon to see the animals – and bring your change or cash for the donation boxes. They have already raised $25,000 out of the $100,000 needed for this year. If you can help out, you’ll be helping to save this resource for the whole city.
We’ll likely be there on Saturday, for the Earth Hour walk. Wanna come?
Capybara! photo courtesy of yelp.ca
High Park Zoo Earth Hour Walk (info from Councillor Doucette’s website)
Saturday, March 31 from 8 pm to 9 pm. Bring your own candle or lantern. Meet at 7:45 pm in the parking lot of the Grenadier Restaurant to start the walk at 8 pm. Conclude the walk at the Grenadier Restaurant where we will have a post Earth Hour gathering by the fireplace.
