Scene: Boardroom, 10am meeting
Her: “Well, no woman remembers the pain of child birth or they’d never do it again.”
Me: “Oh, I remember. I remember very well. How do you even forget that?”
Her: “Then why did you do it again?”
Me: “Because it’s just one day. It’s awful, but it’s just something so small in the scheme of life.”
Her: “I think I’m gonna adopt.”
Me: “Honey, there’s all different kinds of pain. You have no idea.”
*
The days are passing by at a rate of speed I don’t remember dealing with before. Work is all consuming; the day goes by in a blink. I’m halfway, I’m 20 weeks, how did this happen? The school year is almost done. We move next month. In seven weeks.
It’s a boy, of course it’s a boy. That’s what we make, brothers that both love and fight each other ferociously. Oliver wants to name him Anakin. As in Skywalker.
It’s kind of perfect because it means that I am so very well prepared, as I can’t even think about the end result of another 20 weeks right now. I have to get through all the stuff going on at work and a house move and all that upheaval and so many changes for the kids that are already here, I can’t think about it. About him. HIM. He will be a person, eventually. I’m always in denial when pregnant. What? I get a baby at the end? How the hell does that happen?
My mind creeps at night, as I feel him move. So I start to think. And I’m wondering what kind of mental day I was having when I decided this was a good idea. Who thought this was a good idea? Three kids? I mean, ok, it seems like every other person I know has three kids and they are ok, but really? Why I am going back into a newborn hell haze when I have two perfectly formed people who sleep through the night and are mostly able to communicate their needs to me? What WAS I thinking. Jesus. (and yes, this was an actual conscious decision)
And then I read Amalah’s post about Ike. And then I calmed down. Thank you for writing that, Amy – I needed to read that just when you posted it. I hope I will feel the same way. When I get through the summer and the last half and meet Anakin. Or whatever other lovely name we come up with.
