My two weeks are rapidly coming to an end. I had big ideas for my time alone. It would involve many, many ambitious activities like filing 5 boxes of paperwork and copious amounts of laundry and sorting out the toys for the purpose of eliminating much but the Lego as that’s all they are playing with. I was going to go to yoga. I was going to organize the linen closet.

I mean, I did also plan for some fun things, which have been executed: cooking (I’ve been able to eat arugula, avocados, black beans and pak choi without anyone complaining about it), movie-watching (saw the King’s Speech at the theatre, brilliant; caught up on many episodes of Doctor Who), shopping ($300 dropped at Target, Kohl’s and Burlington Coat Factory last weekend in the US of A, dollar at par), and I’ve been able to see lots of friends in the evenings, and will again this weekend.

But I feel like I should have done more. Should have.

Is it okay that I spent some time doing nothing? Is it okay that I had time to myself, with almost no obligations, and I sat on the couch watching the Golden Globes? Is it okay that I am sitting on the couch right now, with my netbook, unmoving but for my fingers?

I’m normally not very good at sitting still. I turn on the TV, and I turn the volume up, so I can go and wash a pan or pack a lunch.

If I am sitting still, a warm body on my lap watching a cartoon,  my mind is going a mile a minute (email! twitter! homework! coffee flask to clean out! etc! etc! etc!). I can’t stop thinking. There’s always something to remember or worry about or to ponder.

Except not these two weeks. My mind is clear. I am rested. I am not anxious. My blood pressure must be low. I am not worried. I didn’t have to write myself a note to remember to take the garbage out. I just did it when I was supposed to.

I sleep without worry of a small person waking up with a cough. I drive to the train station without feeling any guilt about saying goodbye in the morning. I have so little stress right now, I can’t even tell you.

I sat. I sat and did nothing. A couple of times. And it was really, really good.

The chaos returns on Sunday, and I am so looking forward to the whirlwind. Reconnecting with them all will be awesome. But this sense of calm and quiet that I feel? It is so welcome.

I have (to) come to accept that it took doing not a lot to get there. Maybe I’ll find time for those other things in the eye of the storm next week. Or the week after. Or whenever.

Maybe one day I’ll have learned how to be zen even when parenting. Maybe.

I recently followed a link, from twitter or Facebook (who knows), and read with interest, this article on the Huffington Post, entitled Divorce’s Dirty Little Secret. Go read it – then come back!

I knew this secret already. I have friends who are single parents and I fully admit that when they have their time to themselves, when they don’t have custody of the kids, whether that’s a week or a weekend or a summer, I have very large pangs of envy. The single parents I know are the people having the best time extra-curricular-ly. On their free time, that is. What I also know, is that when it’s not their free time? They are the only parent. They don’t get to say, oh honey, I have a headache, bathe the kids for me. They just have to do what they have to do. There are clearly many hardships to being a single parent.

Obviously, divorce or relationship breakdown of any kind is traumatic and not what we wish for. (Well, most days of the week. I fully admit to wishing for it last Tuesday, you bastard.) I digress! The point is? Time away from the family, every so often, is rejuvenating. It’s needed. It’s replenishing.

Lately, we’ve been doing a lot of dividing and conquering. Like I’ll take the kids for a few hours, and then I get my few hours paid back to me, even if it just means food shopping or cleaning the kitchen (blissful). Mark recently took the kids for their first skiing lesson, and they were out most of a day. I admit I am looking forward to when they go again, no matter what I do with the time. Honestly, many things are easier when they’re not around. Like cooking and cleaning. Obviously there is a lot of joy when they ARE around – but they are still in need of some supervision and seek interaction and attention. They can still get into an awful lot of trouble…

But I am about to get replenished and rejuvenated. I hope. Like I did 2 years ago, I’m about to get 16 days to myself. Mark and the boys are headed to the UK to visit his family. I could have gone, but for a couple of reasons, I decided not to. Perhaps I’ll take them on our own vacation sometime this summer, without Mark.

In the mean time? My plan is 16 days of self-care, in many different forms. There will be cleaning, cooking, movie-watching at the cinema by myself, a weekend trip shopping in the States with my parents, maybe a sleepover, some yoga, and hopefully, just hopefully, a little less stress and responsibility. I really, really can’t wait. I will miss them. But I can’t wait.

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On a totally different note, there’s a review and giveaway over here right now for EZ Sox, socks (for little kids) that have handles. Sounds crazy. Works well. Check it out.

I meant to write a birthday post on his actual birthday, the last day of 2010, and I got sidetracked, of course. By life, by a house viewing, whatever.  But here it is, late. Oliver turned 5.

We haven’t actually had his party yet, which is what happens when you have a birthday that has everyone away on vacation. It’s this Saturday.

I did, however, agree to take him to Chuck E Cheese for dinner and games last weekend, which was fun for him and Callum and fairly horrifying for Mark and I. It was kind of gross. Ok, I did enjoy the Skeeball and even started getting competitive, but I got totally JEALOUS when the woman beside me won 300 tickets in one game.  We went home with 2 crazy straws and some Tootsie pops.  We sucked.

It is harder to blog about Oliver. It’s not like 5 is very old but his story really is more his own. He spends a lot of time away from me, at school and at daycare, having adventures I don’t even know about.

He’s a goof, though. He loves his potty talk lately – though this is a normal stage, it’s kind of annoying (pee pee ca ca poo poo everything, OMG KILL ME).  He’s still very into ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ (mostly leaning towards doing the ‘right’ thing these days, thankfully). He adores Lego and can follow the instructions better and better with each new box (there are many, after Christmas and his birthday). He’s starting to read, to really read. He’s good at math, and is so interested in so many things.

Happy birthday, buddy. We had cake for breakfast on Saturday, which made these kids happy: evidence in the video.

(PS: last year’s birthday video is cute – I had forgotten. He has really grown up this year.)